/ December 4, 2013 POSTED BY

Roly-Poly Little Bat-faced Girl, and other insults by Paul Simon

This is a special satirical guest post from Andrew Benedict.



Chubby-wubby, tripping web-toed boy


Sour, dour, relentless horse-shoe player


Frowning, mumbling, drunk-headed toddler


Drooling, snorting, buck-toothed circus tiger trainer


Lunging, wobbling ,sullen-cheeked prince of New York


Trembling, turmoiling, wool-wearing professor of arts


Disgraceful, misplaceful, wife-abusing longshoreman


Dancing, prancing, pock-faced youth


Chewing, stewing, stressed out taxi cab driver


Wheezing, freezing, asthma-having orphan


Shallow, fallow, infertile sister-in-law


Forgetful, regretful, sausage-fingered cashier


Crying, lying, in-need-of-a-mustache-waxing Aunt Helen


Conceding, internally-bleeding ,crowbar-wielding bank robber




Estranged, deranged, TV-watching potato-eater


Limping, crimping, recently-fired hair dresser


Elating, masturbating, out-of-work Elvis impersonator